Sunday, May 27, 2012


My stupid foot hurts. Not only did I not go on my walk, I hobbled around the hospital like an old lady. Ugh. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow will be another day.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Some introspection, and my nemesis

Good morning! I just got home and had a few things I'd like to share before I tiptoe off to bed.

On my drive home, I was thinking of my walk. I was thinking of what a lovely treat it was. And I heard the voice of my nemesis. Senorita Laziness. The senorita said, you don't have to go tomorrow. You already walked twice, you can take a break. That isn't the agreement!But it showed me that even though I'm enjoying myself, I still have to battle Senorita Laziness! It really made me realize that I need to take the time with every habit that I choose to work on. Otherwise, the Senorita will win. She's used to winning, but I'm taking the championship from her.

I walked again today. I'm pleased about it. I don't walk too fast or too far, but I am still winded and my heart is sure pumping. I can really tell just how out of shape I am. I used to jog a mile every day. Of course I used to eat paste, so maybe it's time to stop holding on to childhood abilities and focus on what I can do here and now. I am always (all 2 times) pleased to be out walking, and I enjoy the feeling of my body moving. Since I have to get back in time to clock out, I don't feel the same pressure telling me I need to do MORE MORE MORE. I just walk until I have to go back, and that's good.

Today, while I was walking, this song came on:

Now, I have always love this song. It is a gorgeous love song in which a woman is singing to her significant other and asking why they won't love her the way she needs to be loved. She offers to change everything about herself to make them love her more.

This morning though...this morning I heard my spirit, my inner child, my true core, whatever you want to call it singing it to me. Asking and begging me to love myself the way that I need to be loved. It struck such a chord with me. I know that most people have that negative little voice that says you're not good, skinny, smart, funny, rich, pretty, nice, or whatever enough. It reminded me that that voice is a lie. I am good enough just as I am. YOU are wonderful, just as you are right now. Are we perfect? NO! But, why do we want to be? I wouldn't want to hang out with anyone that was perfect, would you? Too much pressure. So, today, I hope you join with me in vowing to love yourself exactly the way you need to be loved today. What is it that you need, and how can you provide? I'm going to take a bubble bath and then I'm going to bed.

Friday, May 25, 2012


Ok, so I'm restarting this blog, but with a new focus.

Let me give you an overview. I'm a large girl. I have very bad habits. While, at this time I am not actively unhealthy, I am also not healthy.

I've spent most of my life waiting for my musical montage. You know, when in the span of an 80's pop hit I lose weight, self doubt, and all my bad habits. I emerge completely "fixed" and ready for anything. You know what?? I don't think it's gonna happen. Who can I call to complain about this? Cause Hollywood has a lot of explaining to do.

I've come to realize that who I am is who I choose to be. And for the last 32 years I have chosen to be lazy, meek, unhealthy, self conscious and in general not the woman I want to be.

So, I am deciding to start working on the habits that make me who I am. One by one I plan to add new or subtract old habits. Notice, that I've said one by one. We've all made the big declarations and done huge overhauls of our life only to fail after a bit. This is not going to happen. This can't happen.

So, here's my plan:

1. Identify the overall goal
2. Break down each goal into smaller steps that require very little work
3. Profit??

So, for instance, I want to be an active person. However, I've jumped into an exercise routine or gym membership before and let's just say I wouldn't be writing this blog if that had worked.  So, in my current job, I am relieved from my station about 30 minutes before I am allowed to leave. That means that I can walk around the block for approximately 15-25 minutes every working day without subtracting anything from my current routine. Instead of sitting around being bored and watching the clock, I plan to walk for those minutes. Also, I plan on giving this habit a month of active concentration before I continue on to the next habit.

So, this morning, I walked for about 15 minutes. I enjoyed the sunshine and the cool morning air and some music. I felt great about it, and although I could really tell I was out of shape, I can't wait to do it again tomorrow.

I'll try to give you a master list of the large goals that I have, and maybe even some of the steps tomorrow. For now, I must get some rest. I hope you have a great day!